Be the Adult in the Room

Video Transcribed: How many of you guys have played the game? Would You Rather? And the game usually consists of you being offered two choices, either two desirable choices and are intended to pick between them, or two undesirable choices and are intended to pick between them.

And then, of course, you have to explain your answer. So I got a, Would You Rather for you guys. Would you rather suck up your ego and behave like an adult when she’s not? Or would you rather get down in the mud with her and end up with a problem in court later?

My name is Brian L. Jackson. I am a father’s rights lawyer in Tulsa with dads.law. I want to talk today about a topic I’ve talked about in the past, and I think it bears discussion again the idea of being the adult in the room.

From time to time, I still see guys that want to get down in the mud with their exes and start slinging insults and being nasty to the ex because the ex is being a jerk. And I will return to the advice I always give: don’t get down in the mud with her.

To some extent, it is a double standard, women frequently get away with bad behavior that men do not, and it’s not fair. But understand, that’s the rules of the game, unfortunately. And it will not help you to sit there and snipe back at her and make snide comments, sling insults, or rub your girlfriend in her face, even if she’s rubbing her boyfriend in yours. Or get on Facebook and talk crap about her because she’s doing it to you.

My advice to you is to be the adult in the room. If she’s violating the court order, that doesn’t mean you get to violate it. There are ways to handle that and pleadings that can be filed to deal with that. But it is not to your benefit to go back and behave like that if that’s what she’s doing.

Because best case scenario, the judge will throw up their hands and say, “You’re both a couple of assholes.

And I’m just going to tie you up in knots with a court order.” Worst case scenario, it’s held against you worse than her, and you wind up losing something because you acted like an ass. So, as much as it may chap your backside to have to suck it up and be the adult when she’s not, that is your best move all the time.

And here’s the thing, guys, other than it, and I get it, it stings the ego. You’re not prejudiced by acting like that, by acting like the adult room. If it doesn’t help you, you haven’t lost anything from that.

Because guys, we’re men, not little boys; we’re men. I would hope that all of you out there, as dads and men, are beyond elementary schoolyard slinging insults, and tit for tat, when it comes to dealing with your relationships, whether it’s your ex or anyone else. For one thing, that’s the example you ought to set for your kids.

But that aside, we’re grown men; you shouldn’t need to go tit for tat with her. Let her act like a child if she wants to act like a child. It’s not reflecting poorly on you that you choose not to get down in the mud with her and act like a child. Even if it doesn’t gain you anything in court, fine, but you haven’t lost anything by not doing that.

And you may have saved yourself losing something you might have lost if you had done that. And just because you can’t see it and don’t know for sure what that thing is that you might have lost doesn’t mean you couldn’t have lost it.

So seriously, guys, I understand; I get it. And sometimes it feels like she’s getting away with everything, and you have to toe the line, and why is that the case? And it’s unfair, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. I get it. Here’s the thing, it costs you nothing but irritation to bite your tongue, to be polite, act professional, and follow the court order.

It costs you very little to do those things, and it could save you a lot of headache, aggravation, additional litigation expenses, lost access to your child, and less time with your child, all things more valuable than getting the last word in.

So, it bears repeating, be the adult in the room, guys, seriously. It’s worth it. It’s 100% worth it. It won’t be forever. Eventually, she will go a bridge too far and piss a judge off. That usually happens with people that are behaving badly. And if you are an adult, the judge will see that.

But even if they don’t, you’re still probably saving yourself the potential consequences if the judge sees you getting down in the mud with her because they will see that, and it will not help you.

And guys, if you are dealing with a difficult ex, where you’re getting tempted to get down in the mud with her, you need to talk to a good lawyer, like immediately, before you do something you regret later. If you have questions about needing a child support attorney in Oklahoma or a Men’s Child Custody Lawyer in Tulsa, you can find one at Dads.Law.