Family Law Courts Exist for a Couple of Purposes

Video Transcribed: So she was an ass through the last year of your marriage, and you’re pissed off as hell, and you want to make her pay, and you want to be proven right in court.

Because by God, you’re having your day in court. My name is Brian L. Jackson. I am a father’s rights attorney in Tulsa. Today I want to talk to you guys about not letting your ego get in the way of getting a good resolution to your case.

This is an important thing to understand about family law cases, what the purpose of the family law court is and what it is not. Family law courts exist for a couple of purposes, one of the big ones being child custody in Tulsa, child visitation, and child support.

And in that context, as I’ve mentioned any number of times on here, the standard’s going to be what’s in the best interest of the child or children involved.

But they’re also there too, in the context of divorce, they’re there to equitably divide the assets and liabilities in the marriage.

So if you’re getting divorced and there are no kids involved, at the end of the day what you’re really talking about is a money game.

Now I want to be clear about what the family courts are generally not there to do. They’re not there to punish the other side. They’re not.

Now, there are contexts where the other side can be punished, the most obvious being if somebody isn’t living up to a court order. For example, they’re not paying child support or they’re not honoring a visitation or custodial arrangement. And property division, by the way, is also enforceable through contempt proceedings.

But that’s really not the purpose of a family court, and it’s not the purpose for a divorce trial or a temporary orders hearing. You’re not there to try to punish the other side. You’re there because either you’re trying to figure out what’s in the best interests of your children, or you’re trying to figure out how to take a marital estate and equitably chop it in half.

So for the purposes of today’s discussion, I’m going to make it clear, if you were not in court over your kids then it should always be the analysis of a number.

And you do not want to let your ego, that is if you let emotions get in the way of settling your case, you can spend a lot of money in family court trying to fight over stuff that probably in the long run really doesn’t matter. And probably won’t matter to you in a year or two down the road once you’re coming out the other side of the divorce.

I know, and I’ve been around long enough, I’ve seen people fight over all kinds of stupid stuff. I had a case real early in my career with a couple that was fighting over a house plant, and they were prepared to go to trial over this house plant.

It wasn’t anything particularly valuable, one of them was sentimentally attached to the plant and the other one didn’t want him to have it because he was sentimentally attached to the plant. And these two are going to spend $10,000 apiece to try to go to court over this.

Now in all seriousness, if it’s that important to you to be right, then fine. But it better be worth thousands and tens of thousands of dollars for you. It better be worth that for you to be right.

And not just today, but when you look back on your divorce experience such as it is, two, three, four, five years down the road, are you going to look at that and cringe because it’s like, God, I should have settled that and instead, I pissed away a ton of money? Because that’s really what I’m talking about.

Also understand, even if you have a solid case, let’s say you’re talking about a really good, solid case on adultery. Just that’s one that you see a lot that really, people get pissed off about it. And rightly so. I mean, that’s not cool.

Okay, you have a solid case. You’re going to nail her ass on adultery. How much money do you really want to spend to make that case? Especially if she’s willing to settle on semi-reasonable terms.

If she’ll divide the marital estate in half and you’ll be treated fairly, how much do you really want to spend? Especially when you consider this; even a solid case, you could still theoretically lose. There’s always a fudge factor, especially in suits in equity.

And at the end of the day, that is what divorce litigation is, it’s a suit in equity. And you should understand, these judges have a ton of power.

They have a lot of discretion, and it’s very difficult to reverse them on appeal on these equitable decisions like property division, attorneys fees, alimony. It’s hard to get that reversed. Debt division, too. Hard to get that reversed.

So understand that anytime you go in front of that judge, even with a solid case, you are risking losing the case. And realistically, most divorces are not really cut-and-dried.

In most divorces, you’re going to have negative facts on both sides. And plus, the court in modern divorce litigation, if you’re talking about money and property division, the fact that one party or the other was a shit, assuming you’re not dealing with domestic violence, is of only limited relevancy. It’s one of a number of factors that go into figuring out how to chop up the marital estate.

And you could end up, guys, even if she was stepping out on you if you earn more than her by any significant degree, even if she was disloyal, you could still be ordered to pay alimony if she can demonstrate need. Even if she deserved for you to cut her loose.

I mean, I get it. And you shouldn’t, no one’s saying keep a cheating spouse around. But what I am telling you is, these are things to keep in mind when you’re figuring out, when you’re considering a settlement offer.

And if you’re talking about a divorce that does not involve children, then you really want to look at the numbers, guys. And when you’re calculating this, here’s how you want to look at this.

You want to, don’t just look at, okay, she’s getting this block of money and I’m getting this block of money. You also should think about, how much is it really going to cost me in attorney’s fees to litigate? What is my exposure to alimony? What is my exposure to paying her attorney’s fees? And these are all things you should be asking your attorney about.

Because those are all things that could be potentially going against you in a childless divorce. And it’s a very facts-specific consideration, but it should be made in an analytic way, not impulsively or emotionally.

Just because you’re pissed at her, and you by God want to embarrass her in court, does not mean that going to trial is a good idea. There are situations where you should go to trial. I mean, if she’s not offering you anything, obviously. If you’re facing a protective order and she’s not willing to drop it, take that to trial all day long.

If she’s demanding some stupid amount of money from you in terms of alimony or attorney’s fees, then yes, by all means, you probably want to fight that.

But I mean, if you’re dealing with a situation where you have a reasonable offer on the table, and of course always talk to your lawyer before you accept something like that, especially if you’re talking about any significant amount of money, you really want to sit down and analyze that offer very carefully.

But assuming that all of that goes off without a hitch, then I would suggest you guys look at it on hotter dollars and cents. Because there will come a time, believe it or not, that you won’t give a shit about being right anymore. Just like, you can think of divorces, in a way, like a death.

And you go through certain stages of grieving over the loss of that relationship. And anger is going to be there, absolutely. But I don’t think you should think with your temper or your ego when you’re making these kinds of decisions.

If your kid’s involved … Personally, if it’s your kids, I say spend what you need to spend to get in the best position possible to have a relationship with your children. And at that point, the money is less important than your child.

But if you’re talking about a situation where there are no children involved, and you’re fighting over money, keep in mind you’re fighting over money. And it’s a stupid waste of time to spend a lot of money going to court just to be right.

And by the way guys, as a final point, I’m also going to point out to you that if you take that kind of thing to trial over ego, and the judge gets the idea that’s why you’re going to trial, yeah they’ll probably let you have your trial.

But they’re going to be annoyed at you for wasting their time, and that can be considered, if the court feels you’ve wasted the court’s time, in things like if there’s a motion for attorney’s fees on the table.