Do Not Insult Her
Video Transcribed: Five things you should never say to your ex, and we’re going to start off by suggesting that you strike the following phrases from your vocabulary. You’ll be sorry. You’ll regret it. If you do x, I’m going to do y.
Any of that sort of thing, never, never, never say that to your ex because it will be perceived as a threat and it could be made out to be a threat of violence that could lead to you getting a protective order filed against you, so don’t do it. Certainly, don’t put it in writing, but don’t do it. Just don’t. Don’t even make a legal threat. If legal threats need to be made, that’s what lawyers are for. So that’s the first thing.
The second thing, if you’re dating again, and you’re not bringing your dates around the children and the children, aren’t … You’re not doing it during your custodial periods and the children don’t have anything to do with your personal life, then I would suggest keeping your personal life personal.
Do not talk to her about that unless and until you are serious enough that you have met someone you are thinking of bringing around your children. This is the kind of conversation that could definitely start an argument and as long as this person, as long as whoever you’re dating and whatever you’re doing stays away from your children, it’s really none of her business and that should stay not her business. So that’s number two.
Number three, I talked to you about this in the context of the court, and it goes for dealing with your ex just the same. If you’ve done anything you shouldn’t have been doing, or you think you should have been doing, or you know you shouldn’t have been doing, don’t admit that to the ex.
It can come back to haunt you later. Not a good idea. She’s not obliged to keep your secrets, and she may not if she thinks there’s some kind of an advantage to be had in terms of custody litigation or something else she wants, so don’t do that. Probably good not to break the law, but if you’re going to … I shouldn’t say probably. It is good not to break the law, but if you’ve done something, definitely don’t admit it to her.
On those same lines, I’m getting to number four. If you’ve had a sexual encounter with your ex while you were still getting to get along, or later, on or whatever … Yes, those things do sometimes happen, and you have your doubts about whether or not it was consensual, for goodness sakes, keep your mouth shut. Don’t talk to her about that.
Definitely, don’t message her, but don’t talk to her about it. Don’t admit that you’re thinking that way. I had a client once who made that mistake and did admit it, and he put it in writing. Dang near caught a rape charge out of it. It is not a good idea. Don’t do that. Keep your mouth shut. If you have a reason to think you might actually be looking at a criminal problem, talk to a lawyer about it. Do not talk to her about it.
Lastly, things you should never say to your ex, do not swear at her. Do not insult her. I don’t care what she said to you. I also have seen plenty of examples of guys who get into it with their ex, and the insults are flying back and forth, and the cuss words are flying back and forth.
The next thing they know they’re in protective order court and having to shell out money to defend that because she’s filed a protective order based on whatever it is that he said to her and claiming it’s verbal abuse. It does happen and it can happen to you. I don’t care what she said to you. You need to be the adult in the situation and do not rise to the occasion.
Don’t ever say those things to her. It’s not worth it, even if she deserves it. She may well deserve it, but you got to be smart about it. Is it worth a large amount of money it’s going to cost you to defend a protective order just to get the last word in? I’d encourage you to go to dads.law for visitation rights in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Guys, my name is Brian L. Jackson. I’m a Tulsa father’s rights attorney.