Document Everything

Video Transcribed: I am a Tulsa father’s rights attorney. This is the second part of a video I started yesterday on how to respond to threats. Usually, we talk generally in terms of types of threats and things you should and shouldn’t do. Now I want to get down to the nitty-gritty.

Let’s say that you received a threatening letter in the mail or received a threatening text message from your ex, or something of that nature. How should you deal with this? I think first and foremost, document, document, document.

If you’re talking about a legal threat, a letter that says that… For example, let’s say it’s from DHS saying they are going to initiate child support proceedings against you or initiate contempt. Save the letter. You want to pay very close attention to the exact language and any important dates.

For example, if there’s a hearing date coming up. If you get a threatening text message, it’s the same thing. You want to save that. You want to document it and save it. In the case of a threatening phone call, if you don’t have an opportunity to record the phone call you should at least save that telephone record from when the call occurred. Because you’re not going to remember dates and times perfectly on your own. You shouldn’t rely on yourself to do that, so make sure you save that.

Another thing and we talked about his past, don’t respond in kind. Also, and this may sound like it’s obvious, but don’t panic. Not all threats are made equally and not all threats are real threats. Just because she says she’s going to call the cops on you because you were late or because you called at a time she wasn’t very happy with you, or you’re feuding over who gets the kids when doesn’t mean the police are going to intervene.

You should analyze for yourself the substance of a threat and whether or not you really did anything wrong or did anything that would expose you legally. Threats to call the cops, that’s a common threat. Most of the time when people make that threat, they may try to follow through, but it’s probably not going anywhere. If you didn’t actually commit a crime then the police, generally speaking, are not going to intervene in civil stuff. They’ll tell the person that’s not their jurisdiction and that if you have a civil dispute you need to hire a lawyer.

If you get a threatening letter from a law firm, that’s a little bit of a different situation, but even then I wouldn’t necessarily panic. Just because they’re threatening you doesn’t mean she has a good case. Obviously, do take those threats seriously. I wouldn’t screw around. If you get a threat with a deadline on it, obviously you want to deal with it before that deadline passes. If you’re notified of a court date, make sure you know when the court date is and that you show up for it. But, not all threats are made equally and it’s not a reason to panic. It is a reason to act decisively and quickly.

Some other things to do, other than documentation, check your emotions. If something makes you afraid or angers you, this is not the time to start making decisions about what you’re going to do. You should always make decisions in a situation like that with a clear head.

Although I wouldn’t recommend taking too much time, you want to at least cool off. If she just said something to you that really made you angry or you got a message that really made you angry, this is not the time to decide as to how to respond to that, because you’re not thinking with a clear head.

If you’re talking about a threat that occurs face to face, the important thing is to get out of that situation immediately and shut your mouth. Don’t say anything, nothing. This is the same as when you’re in a situation where you have a cop that starts asking questions.

Shut your mouth, because if you say something it could come up later in court and it could bite you in the backside. It’s very important, don’t say anything. If it’s a threat face to face, walk away. If it’s a threat on the phone, then end the telephone call.

If you’re dealing with somebody that’s a professional, like a legal professional, for example, an attorney, you could end the phone call by saying, “Well, I need to talk to a lawyer and I’ll have them contact you. Goodbye.” With the police, obviously, the easiest thing to do is just say, “With all due respect, Officer, I have nothing to say and I’d like to consult with a lawyer,” and then end the phone call. If it’s a face-to-face encounter with the police then I would use that same approach of, “With all due respect, Officer, I have nothing to say without a lawyer present.

I want a lawyer right now.” Then the next thing you might do, asks, “Am I free to go, or am I being detained?” If the officer says you’re free to go, leave. If you’re dealing with DHS and they make a threat, then I would also wrap the conversation up by saying, “I do wish to cooperate with you, but at this point in time, I’d like to consult with a lawyer. Can we reschedule for another time?”

Absolutely you want to handle that in the correct manner. Don’t lose your temper, don’t be intimidated if it’s someone official. If the threat from mom or mom’s boyfriend or whatever, the conversation needs to end at that point. The moment threats come out, the conversation’s over.

If it’s a written threat, don’t respond in kind, for the love of Pete. There’s nothing you’re going to say that is going to be worth the trouble that you’re going to get later if you smart off or make a threat back. Please don’t. You’re just going to make it worse for yourself. Do document it. If you do feel like your safety is immediately jeopardized, and we talked about this last time, then get law enforcement involved and talk to a lawyer about a protective order.

If it’s a threat to withhold kids, talk to a lawyer right away. You may want to pursue a motion to enforce or situation for contempt. If it’s a threat to pursue legal action against you in civil court, then again, you want to get a lawyer involved. Anything you receive in writing, you want to bring with you when you talk. Anything. I don’t care if it’s some dumb-ass text message or a Facebook post. Bring it, because we can use those things.

If you have questions about this, please don’t hesitate to go to dads.law, where dads are not disposable.