Do Not Bring Unnecessary Third Parties into a Custody Exchange

Video Transcribed: Let’s talk about custody exchange and some pitfalls to avoid. My name is Brian L. Jackson. I am a dads’ rights lawyer in Oklahoma with dads.law. And I would like to talk to you a little about avoiding problems during custody exchange and some pitfalls you can fall into that you should try to avoid.

One of the things to be aware of is that you don’t want to bring unnecessary third parties into a custody exchange situation if things are tense between you and the ex. And a big one I see this mistake a lot, and it can be easily avoided is bringing your new relationship there, even if you’re married. If they don’t need to be there for some reason, leave them home. Honestly, it just opens the door to potential issues.

A funny thing, and I don’t… I mean, it’s beyond the scope of this discussion, but a funny thing about that is that your ex sees you with another woman, and you look happy. And I think it cuts both ways, it’s not just women; I think men are like this too.

It triggers a certain amount of regret and jealousy, especially if they don’t have a good relationship, which can lead to problems. Also, it can create a situation where she may feel like you’re trying to replace her in the children’s eyes with a new squeeze. And the long and short of it is, it creates a very high risk of there being a confrontation.

And if you guys haven’t already figured this out, you will be held responsible if your new relationship acts as an ass at custody exchange. If they get in a fight or do something stupid, guess who’s a fault that’s going to be, yours. So, avoid a problem and leave them at home.

Another thing, custody exchange is not a place to air grievances, especially if they’re adult problems that don’t involve the kids. But even if it’s something to do with the kids, this is not the time or place. If you need to have a serious conversation with that person about one thing or another, deal with it privately, outside of the children’s earshot, not at custody exchange guys. Judges hate it when that stuff happens. You’re going to your family judge off for no reason. So seriously, guys, don’t do that.

If you have another family that insists on going along with you, there may be a time and a place where you want someone there. You may not want to show up alone if you’ve been accused of domestic violence or have some other serious allegations.

But whoever goes with you should not be a significant other; it should be someone who understands their place. They’re there to be a good witness, not to triangulate themselves into whatever conflict you’re having with your ex.

And talking about high conflict situations, here’s another pitfall. Guys, don’t go to her house. Don’t go to her house. If you don’t have a court-ordered place to meet, meet somewhere nice and public. For example, in Tulsa County, our family judges love to use the QT stations.

And they like the QT stations because they’re always full of people and have surveillance video, which encourages good behavior. And it’s neutral ground. If you know that you have a high conflict situation with your ex, going to her house is stupid. And by the same token, don’t let her come to yours for the same reason; it’s stupid. That’s how you get accused of something and have to defend yourself. So, use your head, meet somewhere neutral and nice and public.

Now, if she shows up with her So, this is again not a time to get into it with him. Don’t get into it with him if you have grievances with him. Don’t interact with him, you don’t have any reason to interact with him, so don’t interact with him.

Another thing about custody exchange is that it’s other things you don’t need to have. This is not a good time to show up with a weapon on you, certainly not one that’s visible. Don’t have anything illegal on you, which you shouldn’t, but not for custody exchange. Because if you think she’s not going to narc you out for that bag you had on the console, think again. And show up, and for the love of Pete, show up sober, please.

Again, these are obvious things, and I’m not trying to insult you guys, but you’d be surprised how often I see these issues come up from one side or the other. And I mean, it seems like it’s common sense, but it still happens. It’s still happening. And I’m not saying this is you, the viewer, but it’s common sense.

And when I say show up sober, I mean stone cold, I’m going to church in the morning, sober, or I’m going to church now sober. Don’t have even that one beer because it’s a potential issue if you smell like alcohol. She might use it as an excuse to deny your visit. And since custody exchange occurs at times and places where the courts are unavailable, if she holds out on you, you’re stuck losing that visit until the court opens and you can deal with it.

So those are some things to do and some things to avoid doing for custody exchange. If you have questions about any of that, if you ever need a child support attorney in Oklahoma or a father’s Child Custody Lawyer in Tulsa Ok, you can find one at Dads.Law.