Don’t Let Her Make You Disposable
Video Transcribed: So you’ve established that pattern of splitting time with the ex and now you’re headed to trial because she’s going after the big ring, she wants full child custody in Tulsa. So how does that pattern of split 50/50 time, that status quo, how is that going to affect you at trial?
My name is Brian L. Jackson. I am a father’s rights attorney in Oklahoma with Dads.Law. Well, the answer is it’s going to be the starting position in the judge’s eyes in most cases. In other words, this is where we’re starting from, is joint custody.
Show me why we’re going to deviate from that, is probably how that judge is going to view that. And statutorily that’s how they’re supposed to view it anyway. But if you’ve established that as the status quo, that’s probably going to be the way the judge is going to see it, is this is the default position, so you mom, you show me why I need to deviate from that, which puts the burden of proof on her.
Now the reverse can be true as well. If you’ve allowed her to have monopolized the time and now all of a sudden you’re coming back and saying, “Wait, I really do want more time.” It’s going to have the same exact effect, is you’re going to have to demonstrate to the court why the court should deviate from that assuming that that status quo was working. Well, assuming the status quo is working too, it’s going to be very hard to get the court to change because although technically speaking, it’s not quite the same standard as a Gibbons motion.
The court may hold you to that standard of, show me why. So, the effect of the status quo is that it’s going to set a floor, I guess you could think of it as, or the default position. If you look at it like a needle on a gauge, here’s where the needle starts, okay this is the status quo. And if you or she is asking to deviate from that, then you’re going to have to explain to the court why it should move the needle one way or the other.
And if you can’t, then the odds are really good that the court is going to maintain the status quo as long as it’s working, because the court’s not going to give a crap about what’s convenient to you, what’s convenient to her.
What you, or she, or somebody else other than the children are like, “Well, I’d rather do this, or I’d rather do that, or that’s inconvenient to me.” What the judge is probably going to tell you, or tell her if you’re lucky, tough rocks.
Perhaps not that bluntly, but that is essentially what they’re going to tell you in legal speak that you don’t get to just get your way. That’s not how the court works. That’s not how it’s supposed to work, supposed to be about best interests. And what you’re doing when you establish a status quo is that becomes the test of, okay, this is in the best interest of the children, show me why it’s no longer in the best interest of the children.
Particularly if both of you have been doing this for a protracted period of time, and the court finds, you’re both fit parents. The court will presume you’re acting in the best interest of the children and that if you’ve been doing it, it’s because you believe it is in the best interest of the children.
And I’ll tell you when I try a case, that is the argument I’m going to make if I’m trying to defend a status quo, I’m going to come at her with, “All right, why do you think this is no longer in the best interest of the children?” And probably in a more limited way than that, but essentially force her to explain to the court why it’s no longer?
So, that’s the effect of the status quo and that is an extremely important thing to establish early on in your favor in custody litigation, whether it’s a divorce, whether it’s paternity petition, whether it is post-divorce litigation.
And I do want to make a special comment about paternity petitions because I think the status quo is a particular problem for unmarried fathers. The longer you sit on your hands and don’t file that paternity petition, the better the opportunity is for her to establish the status quo with the child living with her. And the harder and harder and harder it’s going to be to persuade the judge that you should get more time. Because here’s what the judge is going to see, mom has been doing it all by herself for X number of months or X number of years.
And all of a sudden, now you Johnny come lately, want to show up and disrupt that. Tell me why? And I mean, they’ll give you the opportunity to be a dad, but it’s going to be in the context of not seriously disrupting the status quo because they’re going to look at it as, “Well, the child’s been flourishing in mom’s care without you there and I’m not going to seriously jack with that without a good reason.”
And if she’s doing the job and you’ve allowed her to do the job without you, she may get to continue to do the job mostly without you. So, this is a particular pitfall for you guys who are unmarried and another good reason, do not sit on your rights guys, seriously, don’t.
Get after it, get after it like yesterday. And if you need to get after it, you should go to dads.law, where fathers are not disposable and set that status quo early. Don’t let her make you disposable. Thanks, guys.
