It Is Relevant

Video Transcribed:  My name is Brian Jackson, and I am a divorce attorney for men. What is the effect of adultery on custody litigation? Well, surprisingly, although it is relevant, it is, generally speaking, not a significant factor in modern custody litigation. Now there are some exceptions to that rule. I’m going to talk about them towards the end of this discussion.

But to start with, there seem to be a lot of folks out there that are under the mistaken impression that the fact that their spouse or boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever, cheated on them justifies severely constraining that person’s right to see their children.

As a matter of law in Oklahoma, the standard for determining what custody and visitation should look like is in the best interest of that child. And although that is a broad standard, and it could include infidelity, as a general matter, infidelity by itself does not make a parent unfit, nor does it necessarily mean that they shouldn’t be the custodial parent if they’re otherwise the better choice.

It’s also, by the way, not necessarily an automatic bar to joint custody. Now that might be relevant to the party’s ability to co-parent. But again, it’s not deadly to that ability. The parties may not like each other. They may hate each other. But that doesn’t mean a court can’t find that the parties can get along well enough as a business entity to co-parent that child.

And the courts should properly be starting from the standpoint of it’s in the best interest of the child that both parents are in the picture. So the fact that she cheated on you or you cheated on here doesn’t automatically mean that joint custody is impossible.

It also does not mean that you stick the cheating parent on supervised visitation. I’ve actually seen cases where somebody will try to argue that. But it is not the law. And absent some other facts that justify supervised visitation in the best interest of the children, disloyalty by itself is not a reason.

Now, as with anything really to do with child custody and visitation, because you’re dealing with the best interest standard, there is the rule and then there’s the exception to the rule. Now, if you were talking about a situation where the cheating spouse has brought the paramour around the children, paramour being the third party with whom they’re cheating, that raises the relevancy of that disloyalty event, adultery. Because now you’ve involved the children with your paramour.

Although even then I’ve seen cases, where the courts will still take the position of that, doesn’t mean that person loses custody. Now it may be that a court order gets entered that you’re not to bring that individual around the children unless you’re married. I’ve seen that happen before, or for a certain period of time.

But at the end of the day, it’s probably not going to necessarily cost that person a chance at custody, even if they were stupid enough to bring that individual around the children. It does raise the relevancy factor, but it’s not, again, it’s not decisive. It just makes it more relevant.

Now where it becomes a more serious problem is when you’re talking about an individual or paramour who has a history, especially if it’s a criminal history, a history with DHS involvement, a history of domestic violence, like if they have protective orders out against them if they have criminal charges, especially violent criminal charges or felonies.

Then at that point, the court may find that that one, that individual shouldn’t be around the children. And two, the fact that you are hanging around with that individual reflects negatively upon your character. And therefore you may not be a good placement for the children.

You may not be a good candidate for joint custody, particularly if the other parent has not involved a third party with a history in their life. And even if you’re not bringing that third party around the children, keep this in mind, the court’s going to look at the long game too. And what I mean by the long game is, if you’re in a relationship with people like that, one of two things can happen.

At the very least, it demonstrates you have less than stellar taste in partners. But it may also mean that you end up in a serious long-term relationship or even a marriage with this individual. And you being the person, whether it’s you guys, or whether it’s your ex, could end up married to this individual and thereby compulsively bringing … I mean, at that point, that individual will be brought into the children’s lives.

And the court has less authority in that situation to restrict that individual’s involvement with the children because of federal marriage rights. So it creates an interesting conundrum that may end up leading a court to conclude that the individual who got involved with someone like that is not a suitable placement for children. And they may be restricted up to, and even including, supervised visitation, depending on the history of the individual involved.

At the very least, it can make you look really, really bad. So although you may not like it, if you have children and you’re going to go out and date somebody other than baby mama, you need to show some judgment in who you decide to hang around with.

And I would add, show some judgment when you bring individuals around the children. Because another thing that can also negatively reflect upon you is if you go through a string of women, and this goes for the ex too, if the ex goes through a string of men, bringing them around the children, moving them in, that kind of thing. When the relationship really isn’t that serious court will look at that in a negative light. And in an extreme case, it could result in your visitation rights being restricted or losing custody of your custodial.

So the bottom line, when it comes to that, and I’m going to bring this back around to adultery, by itself, adultery is not devastating. But, and there’s always that but, if you bring the person around the children, or if you are a serial bringing the person around the children, or if you get involved with somebody, whether you’ve brought them in contact with your children or not, who has a dark past, criminal history, DHS history, history of domestic violence, history of drugs and alcohol, then that can negatively impact your custodial rights. It can negatively impact your visitation rights.

So you’ve really got to use good judgment with who are you going to date. Although again, if you make a mistake, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re screwed. It is relevant and you should be aware of it. And guys, If you are looking for a Men’s Child Custody Lawyer in Tulsa Ok, you should go to dads.law.