Part 4: How Discipline Affects Custody
Hi, I’m Tulsa Dads.Law attorney Clint Hastings. I practice in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and I focus on fathers’ rights. This is another video in my series on parental fitness—looking at the practical, common-sense factors judges often consider when deciding custody, beyond just the statutory checklist. These are things I talk about with clients and bring up in court to help build a strong custody case.
Focus: Discipline
How you discipline your children says a lot about your parenting style. Courts want to see that you provide structure without crossing the line into harshness. In many cases, one parent claims the other has no structure—kids stay up late, do whatever they want, and there’s no accountability. In other cases, one parent may accuse the other of being too harsh, yelling, spanking, or using other forms of physical discipline.
Importance of Consistency
Let me be clear: while Oklahoma law still allows spanking, even with objects like switches (as long as it doesn’t leave lasting marks), I strongly advise against it. Why? Because you don’t want your custody case to hinge on convincing a judge, who may be personally against corporal punishment, that your way is acceptable. Even if it’s legal, that doesn’t mean it’s going to help you in court.
It’s especially damaging if the other parent gets on the stand and says, “I’ve read books, I use positive reinforcement, I explain consequences,” while you’re described as someone who yells or threatens punishment. That contrast can easily sway a judge. If both parents use similar methods, it might not be a big issue. But when there’s a clear difference in how you approach discipline, it could tip the scale.
Call to Action
Remember, you’re not trying to prove you’re perfect—you’re trying to show that you’re at least equal to or better than the other parent in terms of providing a stable, healthy environment. So here’s my advice: drop the spanking, avoid yelling, and focus on structure, consistency, and calm discipline. It could make a big difference in your custody outcome. If you have questions about this or want to talk strategy for your case, give us a call at 918-962-0900. I’m Tulsa child custody attorney Clint Hastings. And stay tuned—more videos in this series are on the way.
