Navigating Co-Parenting: The Power of Words
Little differences in wording make a big difference when talking to your children about the other parent. Hi, I’m Tulsa men’s child custody attorney Clint Hastings. I practice here in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I focus on father’s rights, and this is my 25th year in practice.
Dealing with comments made to children when they go back and forth between parents never really ends. There’s always something new—some comment that’s borderline inappropriate. The question is, can you get the other parent in trouble for it? Maybe. But the bigger issue is whether it’s right to say in the first place. You may even find yourself saying things you think are harmless, but really, they’re not.
The Importance of Resolving to Avoid Inappropriate Comments
You need to resolve not to make inappropriate comments, and you need to hold her accountable if she does. But you can’t do that if you’re guilty of the same behavior.
So, what do I mean by inappropriate comments? Let’s take an example. Mom drops off the child and says, “Hey, tell your dad to get you a haircut.” That’s fine. But if she says, “Tell your dad to get you a haircut—he never pays for any of them,” that crosses the line.
Examples of Harmful Comments and Their Impact on Children
Another example: “Tell your dad to fix you that breakfast you like.” That’s okay. But if it’s, “Tell your dad to fix you breakfast—he never cooks for you,” that puts the child in a position to wonder, “Does my dad really care for me?”
Or maybe she says, “Tell your dad to get you to your event on time.” That’s okay. But adding, “He’s always late,” is unnecessary and only meant to cast you in a negative light. These kinds of subtle digs don’t belong in comments to the kids.
Seeking Help and Support for Healthy Communication
If she—or you—have issues, the right place to deal with them is in direct, civil discussion, not through the children. If problems like this become systemic and hard to resolve, courts sometimes appoint parenting coordinators. They can help both parties establish healthier communication and stop these kinds of inappropriate comments from being passed along through the kids.
Get Legal Assistance for Your Family Law Concerns
I hope this helps. Give Tulsa family law attorney Clint Hastings a call at 918-962-0900 if you’re dealing with this issue or any other family law concerns, and we’ll be glad to help.
